Sure, Wilson’s book is an invaluable tool for teaching us how to cope with a generic, run-of-the-mill robot revolution, but what do we do when the world of Battlestar Galactica becomes reality and the Cylons rebel? How do we defend ourselves against chrome-plated, red-eyed monstrosities, enemy fighters that think and robots that look like us? Luckily for Darth Mojo readers, the good doctor put on his thinking cap, sharpened his pencil and scribbled down some must-have notes for the day when the phrase “By Your Command” makes the transition from fantasy to fact…
A bit from Dr. Wilson's essay:
BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL
Most robots are misunderstood and do not start out as innately violent beings. Before they decide to attack, they must first judge humankind as unworthy. So, as a sentient being, try to set a good example. Don’t hit your servant robot, call it names, or force it to wear silly outfits. In many ways, Cylons are like gullible, rosy-cheeked little children – except with lethal cannon-arms and cold emotionless hearts of battle-hardened steel.
KEEP AN EYE ON THE ROBOTS, FOR THE GODS’ SAKE!!
If a rapidly evolving race of aggressive robotic creatures rebel and disappear into space for forty years, be sure to assign a person to follow them. This way, you can ensure that they aren’t lurking in the empty wastes of the interstellar void, building a massive, glinting robot army bent on the complete eradication of humankind. Heck, go ahead and assign two people.
IDENTIFY YOUR CYLON
Cylon robots come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Identifying the correct Cylon can greatly affect your chances of survival (or of getting laid). Typically, they come in three forms:
1) Humanoids: These thousands of robots look and act just like people, although they are all inexplicably copied from only a handful of likenesses. (I mean c’mon, nobody decides to get a tattoo?)
2) Centurions: Hulking, shiny robotic bipeds who clank like steam engines when they walk. Watch for the blinding reflection of the sun on metal and for empty cases of armor polish.
3) Raiders:Living space fighters form the Cylon fleet. A characteristic curved wing and pulsing red visor make these robots easy to spot. Also, they’ll be shooting at you and you will be in outer space.
For the rest of Dr. Wilson's excellent advice, visit Darth Mojo for all the info you'll ever need.
Be on the lookout for disturbing omens of the looming robot rebellion: