Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I Know How He Feels.


Obama Depressed, Distant Since 'Battlestar Galactica' Series Finale

Obama told aides he feels "like a cylon without a Resurrection Ship."


WASHINGTON—According to sources in the White House, President Barack Obama has been uncharacteristically distant and withdrawn ever since last month's two-hour series finale of Battlestar Galactica.

"The president seems to be someplace else lately," said one high-level official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Yesterday we were all being briefed on the encroachment of Iranian drone planes into Iraq, when he just looked up from the table and blurted out, 'What am I supposed to watch on Fridays at 10 p.m. now? Numb3rs?'"

"I haven't seen him this upset since Admiral Adama realized that Earth was actually an uninhabitable wasteland," the official continued. "Or at least that's what he told me. I don't actually watch the show. It's not really my thing."


Obama attempts to console himself with leaked production stills from the upcoming spin-off Caprica.


Since the end of the series, Obama has reportedly brushed off key budgetary decisions, ignored his wife and children, and neglected his daily workouts, claiming that he no longer cares if he lets himself go "just like Lee did before the rescue on New Caprica."

In addition, sources confirmed that instead of meeting with Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner on Monday, the depressed president sat alone in the Oval Office, scouring Internet message boards for posts by other fans about the series conclusion.

Hoping to cheer himself up, Obama also decided to re-watch the extended director's cut of "Unfinished Business," a season three episode he once described as "bringing the Starbuck-Apollo relationship to a head in the best possible way."

Revisiting the series, however, has only made the president more miserable. After a staffer suggested he bring DVDs of the show along on a recent policy trip to Denver, Obama reportedly muttered under his breath, "What's the point? It's over."

"We were going over his schedule when he sighed and asked if I watched Battlestar," said a White House secretary, whom Obama used to playfully call "Billy." "I told him I was planning on it because my sister's a big fan, but he just stared out the window the whole time."

"I also noticed he took down his Battlestar Galactica season 4.5 poster," she added.


[...read the rest of the piece over at The Onion.]

18 comments:

managizzle said...

Simply Awesome.

Brian said...

That first picture really sums it up.

muldfeld said...

Brilliant. I actually wrote to him and his wife during the campaign that he should watch the show and learn its lessons to better understand that America's opponents need not be perceived that way.

Umut said...

Lovely :) I think we Turkish Battlestar fans greet him the Colonial way when he arrives on 6th of April.

glizda101 said...

My first thought - wow, that is just awesome.

Second - wait, don't we just have April Fool's Day today by chance? :)

But the article is from yesterday. Now I'm not sure. It's just to unbelievable to be true. :]

katie said...

@glizda - articles from The Onion are like April Fool's Day jokes every day. They are not real.

also, this was awesome.

Charly Gardel said...

Two wars, economic meltdown, Republican obstructionism, disarray in the Justice Department, impending international incident because we are harboring war criminals, threats of terrorism ... all I can say is that Caprica better be really good!

glizda101 said...

@katie - xD Thanks.

Guess I turned out to be some nice April Fool myself. Nevertheless, brilliant stuff. :)

Hieu Le Bui said...

Thanks for this cruel but funny April fool joke. It would be pretty cool if it's true but alas it is not. :(

Marian MHM said...

A cylon without a Resurrection Ship is like Obama without teleprompter.

maggie-texas said...

Of course it was an April 1st story from The Onion--but how refreshing to have a President one can actually picture appreciating such a fine show.

Of course he uses a teleprompter. Because he's able to read....

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